Vetted by scholars at Yale and Harvard.
Quarantine had just begun, and I clung to the two-week deadline with certainty. Surely, an entire civilization couldn’t remain closed for more than 14 days?
As weeks stumbled into months, I searched the internet for positive ways to work on myself. I figured this was the best distraction from uncertainty.
That’s how I found The Science of Well-Being, a virtual course offered by Yale University. When I saw that enrollment was free (and it still is) I signed up, hoping to gain some wisdom on how to psychologically survive a global health crisis.
By week four of the class, I…
Ironically, 99% of all humans have had sex this way regardless of their sexual orientation.
Tribadism, or dry humping, is one of the first sex acts that humans gravitate towards as kids. Providing our younger selves with the first delicious taste of sexual stimulation. I know of many people who began their sexual journey by practicing tribadism with a pillow or stuffed animal. I even know a Dominatrix whose submissive begs to rub his erection against a bedpost while she watches; tribadism mixed with voyeurism is his cocktail to achieve orgasm.
Regardless of one’s gender identity, tribadism can be a satisfying and empowering sex act.
One beauty of dry humping is how we can enjoy…
4 ways to feel erotic in your body again.
My left toe is broken, my right knee aches, and sometimes my vulva (vagina) gets so tense that penetration is impossible.
These are all truths about having my body. For a long time, I believed that my vaginal muscles were broken because they did not work like everyone else's. By “everyone elses”, I mean the women I saw in mainstream films or porn, since I had no idea how the real people in my life were having sex.
Regardless of a body's level of ability, bodies are not broken, they are diverse and they work the way they are born…
How to ask for breaks during sex.
I believe that defining your erotic wants, aka your sexual preferences, is essential for satisfying sex.
Research has proven that if we want sex to be pleasurable we must know how we like to be touched, spoken to, or even fetishized (if that’s your thing!).
Exploring the erotic through masturbation and consensual partnered sex helps us determine our sexual preferences, but there is one “want” that is separate from exploration: the desire to stop.
If you are feminine, you were conditioned to people-please, to adapt, and to take care of others. These personality traits follow us into the bedroom, inspiring…
Sex education failed us and now we call our pussy by the wrong name.
If you call your pussy a vagina, you are using the wrong term, and this isn’t your fault.
In the USA, only 18 states require sex education to be medically accurate. Across the globe, this statistic is just as bad if not worse. In my work as a sex scholar, I’ve heard shocking tales of sex education gone awry.
One woman I know was taught that vulvas (vaginas) will mold to the first penis that enters it. …
“Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” -Deepak Chopra
Let’s discuss emotions and casual sex, two things that we pretend do not go hand in hand.
Sex, whether it is casual or not, is an emotional experience and science can prove this. Let me introduce you to oxytocin: the bonding hormone. Oxytocin is an amino acid peptide that is released during childbirth, bonding a parent to the child they just gave birth to. It is also released in ample amounts during orgasm and it spikes in our bodies during eye gazing.
Sexual activity will induce oxytocin and create feelings of closeness, bonding, and familiarity between lovers. This isn’t to…
To my fellow white people: Gwen Stefani represents the mistakes we make every single day.
Gwen Stefani, one of my muses, is being dragged across the internet and my first instinct is to roll my eyes.
I pause. How hypocritical of me. I am someone who happily stands on a soapbox to discuss women’s rights, queer rights, gender non-conformity, and sex — yet I roll my eyes about racism? Oops, my Becky is showing, and the white supremacy I inherited strikes again.
Gwen Stefani, regardless if you love or hate her, made some big mistakes in her homage to Harajuku fashion culture and Japanese women. …
If you have a vulva (vagina).
If you experience pain during sex and you have a vulva (vagina) there is an overarching term for this: Dyspareunia. Now, according to the Mayo Clinic, dyspareunia can be gender-neutral. Technically, dyspareunia is defined as persistent or reoccurring pain in the genitals that occurs before, during, or after penetration.
Yet, when we look further into painful sex, it becomes evident that dyspareunia most often references genders with a vulva.
Exhibit A —
According to a 2015 study, 27% of women said they experienced painful sex in their lifetime and 35% said they were currently experiencing painful sex.
Exhibit B —
We were taught to be polite and not take up space. This is the worst advice for sex.
If my boyfriend was too rough, I apologized for not “keeping up”. I smiled through evenings of one-sided sex, where I felt like a guy was masturbating into me. I was so entrenched in the confines of my gender that when men asked me how they could please me, I blundered, I stuttered, until “whatever you like!” was the response they finally got out of me.
Unfulfilling sex led to years of hatred for men. This anger was healing, necessary, and, at a certain point, small-minded. …
Were you really sorry or did you just need someone’s approval?
Why I am apologizing when you are the one walking out on me.
This was the thought circling my mind as I stumble upon a letter I wrote, seven years ago, for a best friend gone rogue. My words take up two pages of crumbled tree-flesh and go around in loops. I articulate why I am angry, which inspires me to apologize and “take responsibility for what I did wrong”. Except, in this situation, I had been lied to and was being dumped so my friend could continue dating someone toxic.
Here is a lesson I learned from this friendship…
